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Rachael Lippincott

  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    Of course I let the ties go. The casual acquaintances, the hookups, the friends I never really talked to outside
    of school, keeping my personal life tucked away in a little box.

    The only person I really held on to was her. Until tonight.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    She said “I love you” and I stopped myself from saying it back to her. She asked me to say one thing about how much she meant to me, and I couldn’t.

    I couldn’t just tell her how Saturday mornings with her are the highlight of my week.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    But I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything. I messed it all up because she asked for the moon, and I couldn’t give it to her yet.

    She’s the first person I don’t want to say goodbye to, and here I am running away.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    When you spend as much time as I have worrying about what to say and how to say it and it still comes out wrong, it just becomes easier to not say anything at all.

    This year, though, I don’t have to be quiet Molly Parker with the crippling social anxiety. Things can be different at Pitt.

    This is college. It’s a fresh start, a chance to rewrite myself. People are always saying that things get better in college, and I have to believe that. This can’t be all there is.

    It has to get better.

    I don’t think I can make it through another four years of—

    Crash.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    “Open doors make happy floors.” He swings my door all the way open before following my dad into the hall. As if making friends is as simple as opening a door.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    but I mean, who needs sleep when you can stare out a window for seven whole hours, regretting every decision you’ve ever made in your life?
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    This is my chance to make my life different, and I can’t pass it up.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    “Yeah, I’m, like, super gay,” I tell him. I’m so embarrassed, the words tumble out before I can even obsess over them.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    It’s like the anxiety that usually sits between me and the person I’m talking to doesn’t feel as impenetrable as usual. Maybe I can save this.
  • Zalvehar citeretfor 2 år siden
    I find myself thinking about what I did wrong today. All the things I should’ve said but didn’t and the things I maybe should have kept inside.
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