Chloe Liese

Sometimes I wish I heard nothing at all, so I wouldn’t constantly be reminded of everything I didn’t.

The irony is not lost on me, that he’s the first man who’s ever truly made me feel heard in my life and he can’t hear a word I’m saying.

It’s like weird IT soft porn, watching the way the laptop slips out of his bag, how Ryder’s hands curl around the screen as he sets it upright.

“Luke the Duke of Douchery.” I reach up and pinch his nipple, making him yelp and step back. “What brings you here, polluting the atmosphere with your existence?”

I need to get laid. This is not right. I’m eroticizing hand-drying.

That woman, Frankie,” he says. “It’s you.”

“How is she different?” Frankie asks.

My eyes search hers. “I’m not exactly sure. At least, I’m not sure what it was at first. Now that I know her better, I think we just connect well. Similar humor, maybe some similar soft spots. A lot of physical chemistry, at least on my side of things. And…she’s the first person who I ever felt right around. Like I’m not a walking contradiction who’ll never belong anywhere, but someone who actually makes a bit of sense. Like I don’t have to choose between these different parts of myself.”

“She sounds like the best kind of person, then,” Frankie says quietly.

I smile up at her and tell her the absolute truth. “She is.”

His breathing steadies. His face grows slack. And I let myself steal the faintest touch of his face. I smooth his beard, whisper my knuckles against his cheek, up to his temple.

“What are you doing to me, Ren?” I whisper. “What am I going to do?”

His hand twitches in mine, but his features are smooth, clearly deep in sleep. I stay, holding his hand, smoothing his hair. Longer than I should.

Much longer.

Frankie cuts straight to the heart of love’s vulnerability. And while most of us like to comfort ourselves with the delusion that love is bliss, it’s not called falling in love for nothing. We love, entranced by the breathtaking view, and we fall, not knowing where we’ll land.

He’s just so beautiful to me. And yes, in part, that’s because Ren is objectively handsome, but there’s much more to it. There’s the kindness in his eyes, the readiness of his smile, yet the feeling that some smiles of his are special, some are just for me.