Janine Driver

How to Come Across as 100 Percent Credible to Everyone

bled some excuse about my appreciating her concentration

Your partners emotional reaction to your profound gaze has a biological base

came across as a sensitive and caring man, and all it took was two extra seonds of eye contact. I saw the effect it had on the waiter, too.

Human resources professionals often use Epoxy Eyes, not as a technique, but because they are sincerely interested in a prspective employees reaction to certain ideas being presented.

steeple their hands.

How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.

Cut to today. We grown-up boys and girls also have our favorite topics that usually involve our work or our hobbies. When were with people in our own field or who share our interests, we open up like small-town gossips. (Even engineers who have a costant case of cat-got-their-tongue start gabbing about greasy tubines and various projects when theyre together.) To outsiders, our conversation sounds like gobbledygook. But we know precisely what its about. Its our own jobbeldygook or hobbydygook.

You fear youll find yourself in a party of squash players when youre the type of person whod rather be in court than on court? Dont panic hearing words like lobbing and hitting rails roll off the squash players tongues. So what if the only experience youve ever had with squash was the mashed acorn variety on your plate next to the turkey last Thanksgiving. All you need is the few techniques that follow.

Just as anglers throw out a dragonfly to get the fish to bite, all you have to do is throw out the right questions to get people to open up. Dale Carnegies adage, show sincere interest and people will talk, only goes so far. As they say in poker, it takes jacks or better to open. And in conversation, it takes cursory knowledge or better about their field to get them to really open up. You must have knowledgeable curiosity, the kind that makes you sound like youre worth talking to

Whenever friends visit my hometown, New York City, I warn them Never ask anyone riding in the subway for directions.

Because Ill get mugged? they fearfully ask.

No, just because youll never get where youre going! Most Big Apple subway riders know only two things about the subway: where they get on and where they get off. They know nothing about the rest of the system. Most people are like NYC strap-hangers when it comes to their hobbies and interests. They know their own pastimes, but all the others are like unvisited stations

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My unmarried (and wishing she werent) friend Rita has a bad case of bowlers thumb. Every Wednesday night shes bowling up a storm with her friends. She is forever discussing her scores, her averages, and her high game. Another single and searching friend Walter is into white-water rafting. He talks endlessly with his padling friends about which rivers hes run, which outfitters hes gone with, and which class rapids he prefers. Thinking my two single friends might hit it off, I introduced Walter the paddler to Rita the bowler and mentioned their respective passions.

Oh youre a bowler! said Walter.

Yes, Rita smiled demurely, awaiting more questions about her big bowling turn-on. Walter was silent.

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Masking her disappointment, Rita said, Uh, Leil tells me youre into water rafting. Walter smiled proudly, awaiting further friendly interrogation on paddling. Uh, that must be exciting. Isnt it dangerous? was the best Rita could do