We Were Young

we are reckless with each other
because we are young and we don't know yet
how damage can last, how it can grow and spread
and unfurl through a life like the roots of a tree
finding its way through the dirt. for now, it's a way
to amuse ourselves, playing games using each other
as discolored stand-ins for who we really wish was
holding our hand. this will do for now because
we are young and we haven't found a way to be brave
about being alone so we use each other in awful ways
and laugh when we wake up and give it a rest until
the weekend rolls around again and our beds feel
so desperately empty that we have to fill them.
this will do for now, but not much longer.

my body doesn't know how to be a body
without constant reminders.

I swallowed love whole like a peach,
juice dripping down my face.
the pit is rotting in my stomach
and here I am.

passing

the easy part is over
and we can't stop looking back
to figure out exactly
when it happened.
in separate apartments
scattered around the same city
we mourn.
there was a time when this
would have been unimaginable.
we get together and pretend
it's the same but even a stranger
looking in could see it's hollow.
some days I feel like the stranger.
some days I can't even look.

mostly, we're just trying to feel okay.
most days, this is enough.

LOOK. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN DESTROY ME.
LOOK. I CAN DO IT MYSELF.

you're clumsy in love

and it ends up on a boy's shirt collar anyway.

you never thought your body could be
anything except bruised. your locked door.
your haunted house. the unlearning
is taking so long.

there are seven pill bottles in my purse
and I am embarrassed of all of them.

my body doesn't know how to be a body
without constant reminders.

it's probably my fault.
I taught myself battle so young