Dr. Neff points out that we are culturally programmed to love by romantic scripts. The dominant theme in all categories of Western literature and music, these scripts provide a massive and detailed instruction in how to fall (and fall “madly”) for exactly the wrong person. Loving Well offers an alternative – an alternative grounded in 50 years of research findings. Many specific factors (from values to priorities to shared gender expectations) contribute to lasting love. They all trace to rewards – not to the frustration, pains in the chest, and other suffering celebrated as signs of “true love” in so many romantic scripts. The rewards for loving well extend far beyond making our relationships last. Research finds that those who enjoy warm and close relationships fare better than others in both their physical and mental health. Dr. Neff goes on to examine the sexual side of relationship success, including a cram course on who is really good at sex.
