See What You Made Me Do

‘lost a spark that was once there’

They don’t have to see Dad hit Mum for them to end up being violent towards their mother, because a big part of it is losing respect.’

their only defence is to construct a grandiose narcissism behind which they can hide.

Modern perpetrators of domestic abuse are often miserable creatures, unable to love or be loved, and so wracked with secret shame that

Until men reckon with their overblown sense of entitlement, they cannot reach emotional maturity, and there can be no solution to domestic abuse.

The unifying ingredient among abusers is a radioactive sense of entitlement. The animating force behind their violence is the belief that their feelings are more important than those of their partners and children.

Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame.’22

When men feel powerless and ashamed, it’s their entitlement to power that fuels their humiliated fury, and drives them to commit twisted, violent acts.

and tuck her under your arm and protect her from the wider world. Of course, if you hold on that tight, smother people, and violate them when they step out of line … they’re going to lose any love they had for you.’

So to prevent that from happening, you hold on tight. You keep every other bastard away,