How to Fix a Broken Heart

Mirroring the lack of seriousness with which we regard it, the term heartbreak has itself become diluted. We declare ourselves “heartbroken” when our favorite sports team loses an important gam

Real heartbreak is unmistakable, from the intensity of the emotional pain it causes, to the totality with which it takes over our mind and even

The wind batters our sense of security and certainty. The icy rain soaks every nook and cranny of our being, from the part of us that is a

Whatever explanation the other person offers will not change the bottom line: they felt we were incompatible in some way

Our bodies heal well automatically. Our minds do not

To that end, when our heart is broken, our mind tries to keep our pain fresh and unforgettable by having thoughts and images of our loss pop into our heads when we least expect them.

Why does heartbreak ensnare us in so many paradoxes?
To answer this question we must first revisit our evolutionary past. Generally speaking, our body’s priority is always to heal and keep us alive. When we get physically injured, we do not have to make a conscious decision to heal as our body does so spontaneously. But our mind’s priority is not to repair bone and tissue but to keep us away from situations that have hurt us in the past. The more painful an experience is, the harder our mind will work to make sure we do not make that “mistake” again.

“The universe is only telling you what you told it. It’s not the algorithms, it’s you.”

This time, a Neurosensory Analyzer (a machine that transfers heat to the skin of the forearm) was used to apply increasing levels of uncomfortable heat to the volunteers’ forearm for seven-second intervals. At first the heat was set to arouse only mild discomfort. But it went up from there, peaking at pain levels subjects rated an eight on a ten-point scale, where ten was “unbearable.”
When the scientists compared the two brain scans, what they saw was remarkable. The exact same areas of the brain became activated when subjects relived their heartbreak as when they experienced the highest degree of physical pain—the level that was only a couple of notches below “unbearable.”

what determines others’ compassion is not how much emotional pain we actually feel but how much emotional pain they believe we should feel.