How to Listen, Hear, and Validate

What’s wrong with you? You’re being ridiculous. You don’t mean to say you wish the test was positive? That’s crazy…”

If someone is having a different internal experience to them, or their perceptions don’t match with what they consider “objective reality,” they seem to forget about the need to be compassionate, understanding or kind.

many parents will tell a frightened child not to be so silly, and that there’s nothing to be scared about. Though they intend to help, the message the child hears is “you’re wrong somehow.” If they shouldn’t be scared, but they are, what does that say about them?

There’s a fine line between saying “your reaction is too much” and saying “you are too much.”

All human beings want to feel that they are, at their core, acceptable, even lovable

When we invalidate someone, what we might be responding to is their emotional reality, their thoughts, speech, behavior, beliefs, perspectives or ideas—but in the process we may more or less invalidate them as individuals

Remember, when we provide validation, we are communicating that someone’s experience, and they themselves, are inherently valid. So, we can use phrases like:

“It’s understandable you’d feel that way.”
“Yes, that makes sense. I can see why you say that.”
“It’s perfectly normal that you think that.”
“I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time with this.”
“Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?”