Brave, Not Perfect

Every setback is just another chance to further strengthen those fierce bravery muscles you’re building by getting back up and trying again.

Each time you screw up, you learn what not to do.

Each time you falter, you prove that you can right yourself.

Each time you fail, you get to try again.

Offer your assistance to a colleague who is working on a big project. Reach out to a new mom in your kid’s school and invite her for coffee. Send a personal note of thanks to a friend who supported or inspired you in some way. Visit the elderly woman who lives alone next door. Like gratitude, generosity pretty much vaporizes any lingering feelings of bitterness, shame, or disappointment and lifts you up, while at the same time bringing light and joy to someone else—so really, it’s a win-win for everyone. When we realign with our generosity of spirit, we realign with our sense of purpose and bravery and can get back on track with what we want to do or accomplish.

Every morning or evening, write down three things you are most grateful for—and I mean truly grateful for. It’s easy to just tick off, “my health, my family, my job,” and if those are your top three, fantastic. But it’s even better to dig a little deeper into specifics.

You know what went wrong. But what also went right?

• You didn’t achieve what you set out to. What did you learn or gain in its place?

• You’ve beaten yourself up enough by this point, I’m sure; now it’s time to show compassion and let yourself off the hook, same as you would a friend. What worthy efforts and actions did you take that need to be acknowledged? What are you proud of having done? The key to self-forgiveness is focusing on what you did right and remembering that no one—not even you—is perfect.

• You got crushed, screwed over, rejected; this is the disempowering blame game. Shift out of blame and into responsibility and ask: What could you have done differently, and what will you do differently next time?

• The walls came crashing down, but what’s still standing? What can you salvage?

• You didn’t get what you wanted. Is there any upside to it not working out?

• This is the end of one chapter, not the end of the whole story. What could the next chapters be?

What happened?

• Where, when, how did it happen?

• Who was involved?

• What are the (real, actual) consequences?

• What needs to be changed, repaired, or put back on track?

If you failed, it means you tried. If you tried, it means you took a risk. Celebrate the fact that you put yourself out there and dared to go for it. That’s damn brave, woman! Take time to honor that. Celebrate the fact that you got a result, even if it wasn’t the result you’d hoped for, because it means you saw something through to its conclusion and can now pivot to your next move.

celebrate the achievement of getting an answer.” Even if that answer isn’t the one you’d hoped for.

Sometimes, the studies and trials pan out, resulting in millions of lives helped or saved and even more dollars earned; more often than not, they don’t.

Welcome to the Big Fat Failure Club! It’s a club no one ever hopes to be a member of but almost inevitably gets invited to join at some point. We will all experience crushing disappointment at one time or another, whether it’s losing an election or a job, bombing an interview or presentation, not getting into the school of our dreams, or seeing our relationship, business, or big plans go up in smoke.