A Guide to Better Management How to get Win Win

wanting it to be ‘win win’, when we make the effort to join the other person’s river, to find out how it works from their point of view, we often find that we are willing to be influenced by them as well as wanting them to be influenced by us.

As the person is speaking to you and as they are telling you things, do use their language when they respond. Again, take this quite literally. If someone were to say to you, ‘well I’m fed up with these things where we’re always being asked to do more’, don’t turn round to them and say ‘what makes you get so cross about it?’ They haven’t said that they were cross, they said that they were fed up. Use their words, ‘what makes you feel fed up about it’? They will immediately begin to feel that you are on their side which is one of the things you want to achieve if you are a good influencer.

As you’re doing so, you will realise that you find out almost immediately what their position is in regard to influencing. If they have decided that you are on opposite sides, it will show very clearly in their body and in their voice and you will be able to pick it up immediately. If they have decided that they are unlikely to succeed in this particular situation again, you will pick it up very easily. And if they have decided that they’re bound to come out on top and they just need to beat you down again, you will pick up that information

So if you switch on your full attention and just allow the other person to go first, you will gain information which will help you to be the influencer that you want to be.

So to pay full attention to someone else means that you switch on your ears to hear what they’re saying, your inner ear to hear what’s the meaning of what they’re saying, your eyes to notice what their body is saying that matches or doesn’t match what their mouth is saying, your intuition or your gut that somehow picks up some extra information that hasn’t been said and isn’t even showing non-verbally; and your heart which gives you a sympathy for their world view and allows you to recognise what sort of a river they are, without judging it

Psycho-geography is the way in which we relate to each other in space

When we get into the influencing situation, the temptation is to dive straight in and try and get the other person to do what you want them to do. That’s the last thing you should do. One should start in the influencing situation by paying attention to the other person. Don’t assume that you know anything. Don’t assume that you know how to handle them.

an influencer is someone who joins in the world of the other party, who makes them feel as if they are both on the same side and then from there, can both more forward perhaps in a slightly different way

If you’re bottom line is that you’ve got to make that sale, well it is to be hoped that you don’t meet the other person again. Because the likelihood is that you will try and batter them into submission rather than influence them and negotiate well with them.

And part three of my outcome is the long-term effect of what has happened in this particular interaction. In the example we’ve used, the person who hasn’t made a sale may well have significantly improved the relationship and also made it possible for them to develop this person as a client over the long-term which means that sales will become easier and easier because they’ve achieved the other two outcomes.