bookmate game
Kate Russell

My Dark Vanessa

Giv mig besked når bogen er tilgængelig
Denne bog er ikke tilgængelig i streaming pt. men du kan uploade din egen epub- eller fb2-fil og læse den sammen med dine andre bøger på Bookmate. Hvordan overfører jeg en bog?
  • Thomas Everett Vanderboomhar citeretfor 2 år siden
    It’s easy to pinpoint when it all started, that moment of walking into his sun-soaked classroom and feeling his eyes drink me in for the first time, but it’s harder to know when it ended, if it really ended at all.
  • Anna Filonovahar citeretfor 3 år siden
    I’m not a victim because I’ve never wanted to be, and if I don’t want to be, then I’m not. That’s how it works. The difference between rape and sex is state of mind. You can’t rape the willing, right? My freshman year roommate said that when I tried to stop her from going home drunk with some guy she met at a party. You can’t rape the willing. It’s a terrible joke, sure, but it makes sense.
  • Anna Filonovahar citeretfor 3 år siden
    My brain starts to skip, my bedroom suddenly seems lit by a strobe, so I take an Ativan, smoke a bowl, and lie back. I always let the pill sink in before I decide whether to do another lap. I never go overboard. I’m careful, which is how I know my problem is mild, if I even have a problem, which I maybe don’t.
    It’s fine. The drinking, the pot, the Ativan, even Strane—it’s perfectly fine. It’s nothing. It’s normal. All interesting women had older lovers when they were young. It’s a rite of passage. You go in a girl and come out not quite a woman but closer, a girl more conscious of herself and her own power. Self-awareness is a good thing. It leads to confidence, knowing one’s place in the world. He made me see myself in a way a boy my own age never could. No one can convince me that I would have been better off if I’d been like the other girls at school, giving blow jobs and hand jobs, all that endless labor, before being deemed a slut and thrown away. At least Strane loved me. At least I knew how it felt to be worshipped. He fell at my feet before he even kissed me.
    Another cycle
  • Anna Filonovahar citeretfor 3 år siden
    Really, I just hate it when he gets angry at me, because that’s when I feel things that probably shouldn’t be there in the first place, shame and fear, a voice urging me to run.
  • Anna Filonovahar citeretfor 3 år siden
    What would she do? It’s a question that’s more like a maze, one I can get lost in at the sight of any teenage girl. If her teacher tried to touch her, would she react the way she should, shove his hand away and flee? Or would she let her body go limp until he was through? I try sometimes to imagine another girl doing what I did—sink into the pleasure of it, crave it, build her life around it—but I can’t. My brain hits a dead end, the maze swallowed by darkness. Unthinkable. Unspeakable.
  • Anna Filonovahar citeretfor 3 år siden
    know he wants the truth and that I should tell him I didn’t like being woken up by him hard and practically pushing into me. That I wasn’t ready to have sex this way. That it felt forced. But I’m not brave enough to say any of this—not even that I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him guiding my hand to his penis and don’t understand why he didn’t stop when I started to cry. That the thought I want to go home ran through my head the entire time we first did it.
  • Darya Kushnirhar citeretfor 4 år siden
    Maybe that’s what this has always been about—not wanting these men but wanting to be them.
  • le lehar citeretfor 4 år siden
    “These are pampushky,” she says. “Ukrainian, like my mother.”
  • liannehar citeretfor 2 måneder siden
    that there’s probably something wrong with me, an inherent weakness that manifests as laziness, a fear of hard work
  • liannehar citeretfor 2 måneder siden
    reach for the stars, who cares if you fall short, maybe you’ll land on the moon
fb2epub
Træk og slip dine filer (ikke mere end 5 ad gangen)