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“[T]he mirror of the mind is the face, its index the eyes,” Cicero

Implicit in this phrase is the idea that we cannot tell a lie when we are looking someone in the eyes; whatever our mouths say, we believe that our eyes will tell the truth.

Actually, maybe I was—all babies are natural eye contact pros, as we’ll soon see. But we lose this facility quickly as self-consciousness develops.

Not surprisingly, the emotions that are most quickly and readily detected in the face and eyes are fear, anger, and surprise, Ekman told me.

When someone says “I love you,” we look into that person’s eyes to judge his or her sincerity. . . . If you were to approach a one-year-old child who sits playing on the floor and do something a little bit puzzling, such as cupping your hands over hers, the child would immediately look into your eyes. Why? Because what you have done requires explanation, and the child knows she can find an answer on your face.13

Typically the lower-status individual in any interaction breaks eye contact first by looking down; this is as true in humans as in other primates. This is the classic “look of shame.” It communicates “You win; you’re better than me; you have more power than me.”

Adulthood is exhausting and challenging, and you’re still trying to find your place in this big wacky world, while everyone you used to know from school is getting married and posting about it online like the smug, successful people they are. So fun.

Asking for help is one of the hardest things you can do as a person.

It requires you to be vulnerable and appear less strong than you would like other people to think you are. It means letting someone into your world and allowing them to see the extent of the mess you are. But mostly it’s a pain in the ass and not very fun.

That’s the thing about positivity—no two people will ever have the same definition of it, and only you can create a definition that works for you. It’s a unique and personal concept that is tailored to each of us. You can’t force your definition on someone else, and they can’t force their definition on you.