Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

we all deserve untold sympathy for our struggles. We are trying to do something enormously difficult without the bare minimum of support necessary.

This – rather than a vow never to have sex with another human again – should be the relevant test for getting married.

One is ready to get married when two very difficult things are in place: one is ready to believe in one’s partner’s genuine capacity to separate love and sex. And at the same time, one is ready to believe in one’s partner’s stubborn inability to keep love and sex apart.

They should above all never try to persuade their partner that it isn’t right to be jealous or that jealousy is unnatural, ‘bad’ or a bourgeois construct.

The adulterer has to be ready to honour and forgive the partner’s extreme capacity for jealousy, and so must, as far as is possible, resist the urge to have sex with other people,

Many things about us make little sense – and yet have to be respected.

Someone is properly ready for marriage when they are ready to behave maturely around betraying and being betrayed.

It’s just a bit of fun

sex doesn’t have to be part of love. It can be quick and meaningless,

‘Whenever I have the strength in me to do so, I will imitate those who once loved me and take care of my partner as these figures cared for me. The task isn’t an unfair chore or a departure from the true nature of love. It is the only kind of love really worthy of that exalted word.’