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Benjamin Alire Sáenz

The Inexplicable Logic of My Life

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    margohar citeretsidste år
    Well, I always think I’m in love, but now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. Not really. Just these little, I don’t know what to call them, these attractions to good-looking bad boys
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    No matter where I go, I’m going to have to take me along for the ride. But the good news is, I’ll be taking everyone I love with me too.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    I believe that the friendship between my dad and my mother was something incredibly rare. Their love created a family. A real family.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    I will have to learn to bend to the inexplicable logic of my life.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    “I know who my father is. I have always known.”
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    That’s the way it was when you loved someone. You took them everywhere you went— whether they were alive or not.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    And there was one thing I could be certain of: I was loved.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    Life had its seasons, and the season of letting go would always come, but there was something very beautiful in that, in the letting go. Leaves were always graceful as they floated away from the tree.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    All he’d ever had was a heart incapable of despair.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    There was nothing wrong with getting angry. It was what you did with that anger that mattered.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    “It’s hard,” he said. “Grief is a terrible and beautiful thing.”

    “I don’t think it’s so beautiful.”

    “The hurt means you loved someone. That you really loved someone.”
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    I wasn’t an adult. I wasn’t a man. But I wasn’t a boy anymore.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    I was wordless and lost, and I had never known anything that felt like this, this, this hurt in the heart, this emptiness, and I wished right then I didn’t have a heart, but I knew I had one and I couldn’t wish it away. I couldn’t wish away the hurt or the tears.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    Mima was like the tree. In this desert where I’d grown up, Mima had shaded me from the sun.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    Sam and silence just didn’t go together
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    In the distance, I can see a storm coming in, the dark clouds and the lightning on the horizon moving toward me. I wait and I wait and I wait for the storm. And then it comes, and the rains wash away the nightmares and the memories. And I’m not afraid.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    FRIENDS. I GUESS I met that word when I met Sam. But sometimes you get to reintroduce yourself to certain words you already know. That’s how it was with Fito. He gave me that word again. It was exactly like Sam had said, about how we had to see people because sometimes the world made us invisible. So we had to make each other visible. Words were like that too. Sometimes we didn’t see words.

    Friend. Fito was my friend. And I loved him.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    I don’t always know who I want to be. You think I do. But I don’t. But, Sally, I know who I don’t want to be.
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    Do you think the heart needs love to keep on beating?
    Đorđe Antićhar citeretsidste år
    “If there’s no heaven, I don’t really care. Maybe people are heaven, Dad. Some people, anyway. You and Sam and Fito. Maybe you’re all heaven. Maybe everyone’s heaven, and we just don’t know it.”
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