Introducing Body Language

Part of the art of reading body language is therefore to look past gestures and evaluate postures

attitudes­ and intentions are better read through body language.

body language ‘leaks’ certain emotions and attitudes that we might have preferred to conceal from those who observe us

When we dislike or distrust others around us we tend to erect barriers to defend our personal space. For example, a person who feels threatened or exposed may arrange their hands across the front of their body as though to protect it. This may mean simply folding their arms across their chest, or the creation of the barrier may be deflected or disguised as a small grooming action such as straightening one’s tie or adjusting the cuffs.

Sex differences also have to be considered. Women are inclined to get closer to intimate friends than are men but prefer even greater distances from strangers. Men are less affected by the nature of their relationship but usually like to maintain a greater distance from other men than from women.

Differences in social rank are reflected in physical differences between people. An ordinary person stays further away from royalty, or even their boss, than they do from their own peers

Within about 18 inches of our body is an ‘intimate zone’ usually reserved for lovers, spouses, our children and close family members. At this distance we can touch them, smell their body odours and see pores and blemishes in their complexion. Only in exceptional circumstances (like contact sports, concerts and public transport) is it acceptable to get this close to people with whom we are not on intimate terms.

Generally speaking, we stand closer to people and turn our body in their direction when we are positively disposed towards them. In a sexually charged situation this might imply flirting. When we dislike somebody, or want to escape their company, we back off and turn away.

Avoid pursing the lips. This conveys either tension or an attempt to appear shrewd – either way it does not go down well.
Raise your eyebrows. This opens up the eyes and makes you look more open generally, whereas squinting makes us look slightly sinister. However, the elevation of the eyebrows needs to be relaxed and confident; excessive furrowing of the brow comes over as stormy and troubled.
Opening the palms conveys the message that you have nothing to hide and can therefore be trusted.
Avoid barrier signals such as folding your arms, clutching things to your chest, covering your face with your hands or blowing smoke in the other person’s face.
Mirror the posture and gestures of the person you are talking to. This will put them at ease because you are showing that you are ‘just like them’.
Know what you are going to say and deliver it with conviction and enthusiasm. Use an average tempo (neither a drawl nor a machine-gun) and minimise throat clearings, long empty pauses and repetitive phrases. Such things are distracting and reduce credibility.

A smile is the most important single thing. It conveys the message ‘you are safe’ and ‘all is well’. Of course, it helps if the smile appears genuine.