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Harriet Lerner

The Dance of Deception

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When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. “Well, I don't do deception” was a common resonse.
We all “do deception”, often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real — even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave — but misguided — efforts to tell the truth.
Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of “honesty”, we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.
Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn — for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something “more real”; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a “hot issue” without laying the necessary groundwork first.
Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of “being oneself”, Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths.
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274 trykte sider
Udgivelsesår
2009
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Citater

  • María José Evia H.har citeretfor 5 år siden
    Truth-telling cannot co-exist with inequality. Our vision of truth is profoundly eclipsed by the loss of diverse voices and visions that give complexity, texture, and depth to what we name reality
  • María José Evia H.har citeretfor 5 år siden
    the extent that we can make room for a rich weave of women’s stories and voices, we will be better able to identify those universal threads that do unite us as women. Such unity will not be based on the silence, suppression, and shedding of difference, but rather on the recognition and celebration of difference.
  • María José Evia H.har citeretfor 5 år siden
    d radically different from ourselves. And it requires that the context of this conversation be a safe space where everyone can be herself, where no woman feels she must leave behind a part of herself
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