A Joosr Guide to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber & Mazlish

Help your child to cooperate with you

It might be emotionally tough to teach our kids to depend on themselves rather than us, but it will help them grow into responsible, efficient adults.

Give your child choices.

When children ask questions, don’t rush to answer them. Say, “That’s an interesting thought. Why do you think that is?” Give them the chance to explore the answer by themselves. Sometimes they even come up with the right answer alone. Or you can encourage them to look elsewhere for answers, like the library or a teacher. It can be tough to relinquish the spot of main supporter, but it helps children become more independent.

Respect your child’s struggle and support it. If they are having trouble opening a bottle, you can say, “Bottles can be tough to open: sometimes it helps to wipe off your hands.” They will see that it’s okay to struggle, and try harder to open it themselves. And don’t take away hope if your child is dreaming big or doing something difficult. We shouldn’t protect them from disappointment at the expense of them continuing to dream and aspire to great things.

Teach your child to be self-sufficient

You don’t have to ask questions or give advice when a child presents

One of the most important things is to listen with your full attention.

You can also help your child by giving their feelings a name instead of telling them they don’t feel that way. If they’re upset, instead of saying, “You’re fine, it’s not that bad,” say, “That sounds upsetting!” Denying feelings doesn’t make them disappear, but acknowledging them can help alleviate them.

show them you know they want it very badly. Being understood often stops a tantrum in its tracks.