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Emily X.R. Pan

The Astonishing Color of After

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  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    Maybe if I could draw the emptiness, I could control it. But it was never dark enough. It was never the blackest black.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    He would never cut me off. This I knew. This was all on me.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    I watched his fingers tap-tap-tapping against the steering wheel as he searched for the right words.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    a longing for the past, for a simpler time, when grass stains were among my biggest worries.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    even if he could wrench that arrow free, the rest of me was so punctured and torn that nothing would ever be able to suture me back together.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    My mother is free in the sky. She doesn’t have the burden of a human body, is not made up of a single dot of gray. My mother is a bird.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    the air changed as though I’d disturbed the surface of a still pool.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    If Axel were there with me, he probably would’ve squeezed my shoulder and asked, What color? And I would’ve had to explain that I was colorless, translucent. I was a jellyfish caught up in a tide, forced to go wherever the ocean willed. I was as unreal as my mother’s nonexistent note.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    It’s easier to pretend the stain is acrylic paint. Pigment, emulsion. Water soluble until it dries. The one part that’s hard to pretend about: Spilled paint is only ever an accident. Spilled paint doesn’t involve a knife and a bottle of sleeping pills.
  • ;har citeretfor 6 år siden
    The one part that’s hard to pretend about: Spilled paint is only ever an accident.
    Spilled paint doesn’t involve a knife and a bottle of sleeping pills.
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