At the Edge of the Universe

I don’t think I can do lunch today, Ozzie.” Calvin examined the track, conspicuously not looking at me.

“Oh.”

“It’s not you.” Until he’d said it, I hadn’t thought it was. But now I did.

“His balls are definitely not small,” I said, and then immediately wished I hadn’t.

Lua’s jaw dropped and she stared at me.

“You can choose to be happy with what life gives you,” he said, “or spend your life miserable. I choose happiness. It’s really that simple

I remember people and things that no one else does, and you talk to God.” I smiled at Cal. “We’re the lamest superhero duo ever.”

In that moment I glimpsed Lua’s future.

I realized I’d lost Lua as surely as I’d lost Tommy and would soon lose my brother. Lua was going to leave Cloud Lake. Hell, he was already gone. I didn’t want to watch him go, but I couldn’t turn away. I’d never been so sad to be so happy.

“They ran tests using helium atoms proving that not only are objects affected by observation, but that observation can cause them to transmit information backward through time to change their behavior in the past.”

Yeah, Calvin was definitely smarter than me. I’d read a few books on quantum physics, though little had made sense, but Calvin seemed to actually understand it.

Then he said, “I don’t have anyone to talk to either.” And that simple statement changed everything. He’d seen through my bullshit story about wanting to work on our project right to the truth of why I’d called, and he was still there; he hadn’t kicked me out. That had to count for something

Not just because Calvin had basically admitted he cut himself because he was burdened by emotional pain too big to cope with, but because we were starting to get to know each other, and I didn’t want him to judge me. For some reason, his opinion mattered more than I’d expected it to

Feelings are intangible,” he said. “You can’t see them, can’t touch them. You can hurt and no one would know. But physical pain is real. You can see blood and broken bones. It’s simple in a way feelings are not, and cutting makes the abstract pain of feelings substantial.”

“Did you just move in?” I asked, trying to make a joke.

Calvin shook his head. “Possessions are distractions.”

“Are you a Buddhist or something?”

“Or something.” He sat on the stool.