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Alexander Lowen

Fear of Life

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    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    This is a common problem. Many women turn to men seeking an acceptance of their sexuality, which would include an affirmation of their being. If they get it, they feel good for the moment; but they are dependent on the man and vulnerable to feeling destroyed by his rejection, as Jane was.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Her sense of self and being was deficient because she was not fully connected to and identified with her sexuality. When a woman is secure in her womanhood, a man's recognition of it is like icing on a cake.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    When a man goes to a woman with a full measure of his sexuality, he will always meet with a warm response. If he needs to have his masculinity affirmed, he should get it from other men, just as a boy gets affirmation from his father, not his mother. However, a man may find it difficult to turn to other men when his unconscious Oedipus complex is too threatening.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Being is more than sexuality, and the problems of being cannot be worked out on the sexual level alone. Difficulties in self-expression on an ego level must be given the same care and attention that are given to the sexual problem. But these difficulties can never be fully resolved unless the underlying sexual guilts and anxieties are understood and analyzed
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Doing something is not letting it be. Doing represents an attempt to change a situation, which
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Emotional health can be gained only through self-awareness and self-acceptance. Struggling to change
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    all right when the situation is an external one. However, when the situation is internal, that is, a state of being, trying to change this state by doing results in a reduction of one's being. This can be explained by the fact that to act upon the self one part of the personality must turn against another part. The ego or the I turns against the body by using the will against the feelings of the body. In this process being is split and, therefore, reduced. Such an action may be necessary in the face of real danger, in which case it is not neurotic. It becomes a neurotic reaction when the maneuver persists beyond the point of danger. Neurotics are always trying to change themselves by using willpower, but this only serves to make them more neurotic.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Change produced by the application of a force from without is the product of doing and affects being adversely. However, there is a process of change that takes place from within and requires no conscious effort. It is called growth, and it enhances being. It is not something one can do, and it is not, therefore, a function of the ego but of the body.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    The ego is engaged in setting the goal and in controlling the actions to achieve it. On the other hand an activity in which there is a notable absence of ego involvement belongs to the realm of being. This means that if the goal is secondary to the action, the activity would qualify as being more than doing. For example, strolling down the avenue belongs to the mode of being, whereas walking quickly to the station to catch a train is doing.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Some people do sex, that is, they are performers and their interest is in the effect their sexual activity has upon the other person. It's an ego trip for them. For others, sexual activity starts from a strong feeling of desire and ends with a strong feeling of pleasure and satisfaction.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Being is equated with feeling.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    It is important to recognize that doing does not involve or lead to feelings and may actually inhibit
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    the other hand, it is possible to do or to produce something with feeling. To have feeling, the process or action must be at least as important as the goal.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    we pay at least as much attention to the process as, to the goal, doing becomes a creative or self-expressive action and increases the sense of being. As far as being is concerned, what counts is not what one does, but how one does it. The reverse is true for doing.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    Normally, the actions of a healthy person show a fine balance of being and doing, of feeling and thinking, of spontaneity and deliberated response.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    is difficult to respond with love to someone who prides himself on his ability to take the cold and who has numbed himself to his need for love.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    The authentic person can be recognized behind the mask by the sound of his voice. The voice is a major avenue of self-expression, and its quality reflects the richness and resonance of the inner being. When one's voice is limited because of neck and throat tensions, one's self-expression is restricted and
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    one's being is reduced. The voice is also related to sexuality, at least in the male. The thin, feminine voice of a castrated man is well known. Energetically, the scream is similar to an orgasm in that it is an intense discharge. In the scream one “blows one's top,” and in the orgasm the same thing happens in the bottom. Both should be fully available to the person. Any diminution of either is a loss of being.
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    three words, me, myself and I refer to three different aspects of a person's being. The me expresses the passive state of being
    Nastya Selchukhar citeretfor 3 måneder siden
    The I, on the other hand, denotes an active state.
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