Managing for People Who Hate Managing

Here’s a joke I heard years ago; it stuck. Two construction workers are sitting on a high beam way up in a building site, preparing for their lunch break. One opens his lunch box and says, “Tuna again! I hate tuna.” His buddy responds, “Why don’t you ask your wife to make you something else then?” To which the first worker grumbles, “I make my own lunches.”

Are you him? Fix yourself up a management sandwich that fits you. Why suffer needlessly?

This now-established principle links back to the Hawthorne effect. The Hawthorne study demonstrated—in an entirely different arena—merely paying attention, giving people (or atoms) your attention, has an impact on their behavior.

This now-established principle links back to the Hawthorne effect. The Hawthorne study demonstrated—in an entirely different arena—merely paying attention, giving people (or atoms) your attention, has an impact on their behavior.

If I am convinced that I add little value as a manager (thoughts), my behavior (words and actions) will reinforce my belief. Interactions are the concretization of our thoughts.

How we manage is ultimately a reflection of our thoughts.

Changing your thoughts about management changes you as a manager.

What if you decide to pretend (or even believe) your staff are your teachers—especially those who challenge you? What if you want to get a handle on each lesson they are here to teach you? What if you reframe your expectations to support the idea that they won’t change to suit your whims? Consider this:

No one will change until you do.

The behavior of others mirrors your own thinking coming back to you.

Your sole areas of direct responsibility are
your thoughts, your words, and your actions.

Everybody in the world is seeking happiness—and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

—Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

Happiness is relative, marked only by changes from the recent past. Through more expansive studies, Brickman discovered that we adapt to life circumstances, good and bad. After a windfall, the satisfaction fades, replaced by indifference and new striving. Constant adaptation to a cushier lifestyle leads to what he dubbed the hedonic treadmill, as we seek out higher levels of reward to maintain the same subjective pleasure.12

The Platinum Rule mandates treating others not as we want to be treated but as each particular employee wants to be treated. I recommend the ancient system of asking people what motivates them. Use that as a guide.

The rub is that to succeed at flexing your style you must hone the dual skill set of capturing subtle data about how others like to be treated (if you’re not in a position to ask directly) and matching your behavior to other people’s preferences. Takes practice, though definitely doable and pays off!

I observe managers overpromise and overdeliver because they make offers rather than inquiries. When someone says she is overwhelmed with an assignment, the well-meaning manager often reacts by offering to help rather than asking, “What do you want?” Sometimes the answer is the employee just wanted to let off some steam so she can get back to tackling the work.

When someone asks if you have time to talk and it’s not a true-blue emergency, tell him you have ten minutes. During this time, give him your complete attention. When ten minutes are over, wrap it up. It’s far better to give your full attention for a previously disclosed short time frame than to provide partial attention for an hour, hoping he’ll take the hint.